Rules for Werewolves Read online

  Copyright © 2015 by Kirk Lynn

  First Melville House Printing: October 2015

  Melville House Publishing

  46 John Street

  Brooklyn, NY 11201

  and

  8 Blackstock Mews

  Islington

  London N4 2BT

  mhpbooks.com facebook.com/mhpbooks @melvillehouse

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Lynn, Kirk.

  Rules for werewolves / Kirk Lynn. — First edition.

  pages; cm

  ISBN 978-1-61219-476-9 (hardcover)

  ISBN 978-1-61219-477-6 (ebook)

  I. Title.

  PS3612.Y549R85 2015

  813’.16—dc23

  2015013933

  v3.1

  For Carrie

  Those who wanted milk scratched at the soil with bare fingers and the white milk came welling up. Pure honey spurted, streaming, from their wands. If you had been there and seen these wonders for yourself, you would have gone down on your knees and prayed to the god you now deny.

  —The Bacchae of Euripides,

  translated by William Arrowsmith

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  Part One: Becoming 1: Susan tells Bobert how to become a part of the pack.

  2: Don’t answer the door.

  3: Malcolm, Tanya, Bobert, Anquille, Angel, and five or six more are talking.

  4: Malcolm wants to move.

  5: Tanya takes Malcolm into the bathroom to have a good look at his face.

  6: Bobert, Angel, Tom, Susan, and two or three others try to guess what’s goin’ on in there. Malcolm and Tanya come out when they least expect it.

  7: Angel is thirsty.

  8: Bobert, Anquille, Susan, Angel, and Tom decide the hat is a god.

  9: Malcolm and Bobert talk about games. Later, the others come home.

  10: What’s the worst thing you could survive?

  11: Everybody goes out hunting through the neighborhood for a Peugeot.

  12: Bobert, Tom, and Anquille go around to the other side of the school.

  13: Angel and Susan make a drink for a new recruit.

  14: Bobert likes to be alone

  15: Malcolm is the first one back. Bobert, Tom, and Anquille are tied for second, then some others.

  16: What the police officer really said to Malcolm.

  17: Malcolm and Tanya walk in front of the group and lead the way to the new house.

  18: Bobert and Tom bring up the rear as the group wends its way to the new house.

  19: Angel and Susan make a plan.

  20: This place is awesome.

  21: What to do when someone starts to change.

  22: Tanya has seen the archangel Gabriel.

  23: How to be a reader.

  24: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

  25: Angel comes into the master bedroom in the middle of the night and convinces Bobert to help her.

  26: The Story of Doug.

  27: Tanya tells Malcolm what she found when she went to feed Susan.

  28: House meeting.

  29: Someone new catches Susan up on what happened while she was changing.

  Part Two: Neighbors 30: Bobert’s little brother follows him around the house.

  31: Malcolm drags everybody down to the basement to show off his discovery before they all go to bed, except for Tanya and Malcolm, who stay behind to discuss it, but not like you think.

  32: Angel wakes up with Craig.

  33: Malcolm takes the dog out.

  34: Bobert and his stepdad have a little talk about the way things are now.

  35: And on the third day, all the werewolves gathered in the kitchen to make a plan.

  36: Tanya and Malcolm discuss the plan.

  37: Angel gets caught going through Craig’s pockets.

  38: Susan, Anquille, Tom, and a few others come up with a new definition for “Wednesday.”

  39: The werewolves take a vow of silence.

  40: Tom and Carl work out the new world order.

  41: Arson investigators talk to Bobert’s mom.

  42: Tanya is becoming grateful.

  43: What to tell the maid.

  44: The last recorded conversation between Angel and her new boyfriend.

  45: The maid reaches for the personal panic-button key fob only to find it’s not there.

  46: Dear Carlene

  47: Everybody gets together and takes off their clothes.

  48: Bobert and Tim check the mail.

  49: Tom and Carl return with news of what they found. Malcolm interrogates them.

  50: Susan explains to Carl the plan for if the maid comes home. Anquille joins them about midway through.

  51: Malcolm and Tanya open the safe.

  52: Angel and Craig get married.

  53: Tanya shows Susan where she is on the map.

  54: At least half the werewolves down in the basement standing in front of the flat screen TV moving in sync with a workout DVD.

  55: Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear.

  56: Susan wants it to keep happening.

  57: Malcolm tries to manage things as the werewolves split up and make a run for it.

  58: Tom and Anquille run into each other while running through the neighborhood.

  59: The cop and Malcolm talk.

  60: Sitting outside the Peugeot house

  61: Malcolm and Angel fight.

  Part Three: The Wild 62: Bobert and Timothy lie in their beds, planning their great escape.

  63: Bobert and Timothy drop fake hints about where they’d go if they ran away throughout the whole next day.

  64: Bobert and Timothy say goodbye to their mother.

  65: Dawn and Donald have a talk.

  66: Bobert and Timothy open the window and take off into the night.

  67: Timothy trusts his brother.

  68: Do you even know how to drive?

  69: Timothy and Bobert try to give Donald’s car away.

  70: Bobert and Timothy realize their first mistake.

  71: Bobert convinces the guy at 7-Eleven to let him use the bathroom.

  72: Timothy lists everything he stole so that Robert can get a sense of their supplies as they walk to the construction site.

  73: The newspaper

  74: Detective Raphael interviews the housekeeper in the hospital.

  75: Timothy wants to stop walking.

  76: Detective Raphael interviews the man who was found in Donald’s car.

  77: Your hand is infected.

  78: Detective Raphael interviews the owner of the garage.

  79: At the address on the postcard, there’s a scarecrow in the front yard that Robert kind of recognizes.

  80: Bobert and Tim knock on the door and a little old lady answers.

  81: Tim and the old lady eat dinner alone.

  82: Bobert’s conversation with the scarecrow.

  83: Detective Raphael and the little old lady talk.

  84: Timothy talks to Bobert from the back of the police cruiser.

  85: The old lady tells Sheriff Hanson what happened.

  86: Timothy won’t let Robert stop walking.

  87: Timothy tries to kill the dog that’s followed them.

  88: The dog licks Bobert clean.

  89: The smell of bacon and eggs and coffee wakes up Timothy.

  90: Bobert asks himself a few questions.

  91: As they pack up camp and head out, Timothy has second thoughts.

  92: Rules for Werewolves

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

 
Part One

  BECOMING

  1

  Susan tells Bobert how to become a part of the pack.

  —Hey, it’s cool. I’m not gonna hurt you. I just wanna let you know you can’t sleep there.

  —Why not?

  —It’s gonna get cold tonight.

  —I’ll be all right.

  —Yeah, but you could do a lot better.

  —Says who?

  —My name’s Susan.

  —All right. So?

  —It’s cool if you don’t wanna tell me your name.

  —All right.

  —But you should also know there’s a security guard who comes around.

  —I’m not scared of rent-a-cops. They don’t have any real power.

  —You figured that out on your own, huh? How long you been out here?

  —About a week. But I’ve been here before. You?

  —Shit. I dunno. It’s been months.

  —My name’s Bobert.

  —What kind of name is Bobert?

  —It’s a nickname, I guess. I hate it.

  —Then why tell people that’s your name?

  —I got so used to being called Bobert, I guess that’s who I’ve become.

  —You know, you could use this running away to become something else.

  —I’m doing all right.

  —You’re in the parking lot huddled up between a Dumpster and the walls of a Speedy Stop. Without a roof. You’re not doing as good as you think.

  —I’m trying.

  —I know, Bobert. It’s cool.

  —Do you have some kind deal with the Speedy Stop where they give you a free burrito for every homeless kid you scare away from the Dumpsters?

  —I should ask ’em about that.

  —Hey, you’re not really helping. You’re just doing the rent-a-cop’s job for him. Telling me to move along. He might not even see me.

  —He saw me when I tried to sleep there.

  —I just. I don’t. I don’t. I don’t know what to do. I …

  —All right. All right. It’s cool. Don’t cry.

  —I don’t—

  —All right. It’s cool.

  —I don’t wanna get inside the Dumpster.

  —Let me get to what I’m trying to say, Bobert.

  —This sucks.

  —Why don’t you come with me.

  —Why?

  —Because.

  —Where are we gonna go?

  —I have some friends. They have a house. Not a house they own, but just a place where we can stay. There’s about twenty of us sleeping there, maybe. Look, it’s not legal. They don’t own the house. But it’s warm. It’s warmer than this. And it smells better. You just have to go along with what they say.

  —Like what?

  —Nothing really. They just like to fight, some of ’em. Mostly it’s bickering. But if someone catches us in this house we have to be ready to run. And if one of my friends tells you to do something you have to do it. Or be sure you could win a fight against that person.

  —What do you mean?

  —You’ll see.

  —I don’t want to come.

  —It smells like shit inside that Dumpster, Bobert. And when I was in there, I thought it was the lowest I could go. But it’s not. I’m not gonna tell you what lowest is. You wouldn’t even look at me if you knew. But if you come with me then maybe this can be the worst for you and everything’ll just get better from here.

  —What kinds of things do people tell you to do at your friends’ house?

  —It’s not like that. It’s weirder than I can really explain. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. In fact, it could help you become someone who never does.

  —Okay. All right.

  —Don’t cry.

  —I know. I don’t want to … Just let me get my bag. I’ll get my bag, and then we can go, and I’ll get myself behind a door and get warm.

  —All right. You’re gonna like these guys. It’s like a family. Everybody sleeping in the living room. Watching out for one another. It’s safe. And it’s warm. And it’s all ours until somebody finds out.

  2

  Don’t answer the door.

  —What’s that sound?

  —What?

  —Something just woke me up.

  —Did it sound like some asshole calling out, “What’s that sound?” ’Cause I just heard it, too.

  —Stop it. You guys are freaking me out.

  —It was probably just the new kid, Bobert, trying to find his way around.

  —He doesn’t sleep in the den with the rest of us. Bobert sleeps in the pantry.

  —How do you know, Susan? Did you go looking for some sugar?

  —Shut the fuck up. I think someone knocked on the door.

  —You sure?

  —The sun’s not even up yet.

  —How would you know when the sun comes up?

  —It leaks in around the edges of the curtains, like over there, by the stereo.

  —There’s the sound again. It is someone at the door.

  —What should we do?

  —Be quiet. Maybe they’ll go away.

  —Shhh. It’s cool. It’s cool. It’s cool.

  —I don’t want to get caught squatting in these people’s house and get sent to jail.

  —I don’t wanna get sent home.

  —How many of us do you think there are right now?

  —I dunno. Maybe twenty. Maybe more.

  —Who cares?

  —’Cause we can probably take ’em, unless they have twenty on their side, too.

  —Who do you think it is?

  —How should I know?

  —Let’s just be quiet and wait and eventually they’ll go away.

  —The house is empty.

  —Except for us.

  —Why would anyone knock on the door?

  —It could be the paperboy … or a girl … selling Girl Scout Cookies.

  —It’s too early.

  —Or it could be a neighbor with a gun who wants to protect his home from an infestation of us.

  —Go up and look through the peephole.

  —Fuck you. You go do it.

  —Both of you—shhhhh!

  —It’s probably the cops ’cause you were screaming so loud last night.

  —Malcolm started it.

  —Let’s go out the back door and over the fence and disappear forever.

  —If it was the police and they knew this wasn’t our house they would’ve shouted at us by now.

  —And then kicked the door in.

  —If it’s not the police, then it’s probably not anybody who knows we don’t really belong.

  —So?

  —Go answer it and say you’re the Baxters’ cousin. Say they asked you to house-sit while the place was on the market.

  —The Baxters’ was the last place.

  —Find a piece of mail or something that says whose house this is.

  —Say you’re the niece on summer break from Wesleyan and you needed a place to stay for a couple of days with a few friends and Uncle Baxter told you it was all right.

  —Some of us are a little too old to be on summer break.

  —You can be a grad student.

  —And what am I?

  —There’s too many types of us to all be from the same lie.

  —Whoever it is isn’t going away.

  —’Cause they can hear you talking.

  —This isn’t what I wanted.

  —You don’t even know what it is.

  —I wanted to live with my friends.

  —We’re your friends.

  —In a different way. I thought we’d have more to offer. To one another. I thought we could be an example of how to live without working by being more in tune with the earth.

  —Take off your clothes.

  —Why?

  —That’s why you couldn’t answer the door right away—you just got out of the shower.

  —I wish Doug was h
ere.

  —Don’t move.

  —I’m gonna go look through the peephole.

  —Angel, don’t.

  —Don’t be such a quivering shit.

  —Angel—

  —It’s Malcolm. It’s just Malcolm—

  —I thought Malcolm was upstairs in the master bedroom with Tanya.

  —Now he’s out on the porch. Should I open it?

  —What’s he doing out there?

  —Bleeding. From his face.

  3

  Malcolm, Tanya, Bobert, Anquille, Angel, and five or six more are talking.

  —What happened to you?

  —Does it look bad?

  —Your face is bleeding.

  —Let me see.

  —Ow.

  —Shhh.

  —Go in the kitchen so everybody else can keep sleeping.

  —What happened?

  —I got hit by a car.

  —We’ve gotta get out of this neighborhood.

  —Not yet.

  —Someone musta seen it.

  —A dog, maybe.

  —They know we’re here and everyone in the neighborhood hates us.

  —What were you doing out so early?

  —I felt like it was getting time to move so I thought I would do us all a favor and go scout a new area. It wasn’t in my plans to get run over.

  —What kind of car was it?

  —A slow car. So I guess I’m lucky. It was at a corner. I was crossing the street and this car rolled up, real slow, as if it was gonna stop and wait for me to cross. ’Cept it didn’t stop. It surprised me. I never expected to get hit by a car. And it just kept hitting me, almost gently, shoving me out into the intersection. You know how people say some accidents seem to happen in slow motion. Well, me, too. For real. It’s like this car was fucking with me. Just pushing me and shoving me around. The same way a big kid would pick on a little kid at school. Except it was a rich person with a fancy car picking on me ’cause I was walking around so early—there was no one around to see the two of us. I was afraid it was a set up—like this car was gonna push me out into the intersection and then some other car was gonna come along and wipe me out. I started banging on the hood with one hand. Harder and harder and harder. Then the car finally accelerated and I fell down and that’s when I got scratched up on my face like this. I guess my face hit the pavement, and my arm a little.

  —Let me see you in the light.